why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
