uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
