I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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