Who did Billy Mays play for?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
