So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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