I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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