haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
