Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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