that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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