His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
