I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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