so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
