Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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