What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
