Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am midnight drunk by noon
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
