at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
