Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
