I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
