Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
