did you get engaged???
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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