dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
