What did we do last night that was yellow?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
