Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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