I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
