so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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