Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
