dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
