All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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