My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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