he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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