why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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