So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
