Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
