My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
