Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
