It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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