I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
