mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
