You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
