hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
