He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
