dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
