I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
