to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
