In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
