It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
