I wish life had little blips of pornography
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
