Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
