I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
