She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We had to coat check the pizza.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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