i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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