Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
